song of failure

I’ve lost to I don’t know what
I’ve nothing that ever I sought
Once I loved and wanted to sire
But that is all now under thick mire
Once I was dying to make a movie
But I am dumb and an aging rookie
Once I felt I could be real good at tramping
But I don’t go out much, body starts cramping
Once I thought I’d rather try to write
But that's too little, at any rate too trite
I was suggested at times to first save my ass
To take up a job and to earn some cash
But, You know, I am a real kind of bum
A parasite and a time-wasting scum
I have read some old books
I have made some sketches
I have stitched some dresses
I have listened to some music
I have clicked several images
I have watched some movies
I have been deeply thinking 
It all felt so good, and so great
Now I feel sad, I think I did a mistake.
Life is a game & I gotta have an ace.
 If life has a value then mine is really cheap
I don’t talk of god and I don’t talk of fate
I hate them so much, I can not acknowledge
My life hates me; it fakes itself in stupid ways
Phony or whatever, I can’t care any less
Giving up I know is wrong but am tired, 

Aimless I am, how long can I drag?
Life seems so tragic, I need a magic
My face sullen and my heart sore
bored beyond limit, outta all the daily chore
I know no way out, I can find no saviour
So I sit and sing my funny song of failure.