Found ten cds. All porn. Nahi, they aren't mine. I guess brother must have got them home. Anyway, the point is I am disgusted and cd's are lying in a dustbin.
And Mr. M P T got three watches as a gift in three consecutive days. So, he has four spare watches.
Bah... I am feeling again, lonely. Loneliness defines my life. Mostly my entire life so far. No exaggeration here, believe me.
Have been helping the kid in first standard of english medium school with his studies, and he thinks its fun we when study together..
The woolen jumper I am knitting for dad is expected to be finished in next three days. The wool colours are dark blue and baby blue.
This time I have been cleaning, arranging and decorating my house, not just my room. Why ? Not for the sake of Diwali. Of course I like it, So. Every day I throw out two bags full of garbage.
And I am laying my hands on cooking. Recently, went to various malls and markets and out of all , I bought only food products like Raagi, Soybean, Mustard sauce and oil, Herbs, Borkut (berry powder), Rajbhog syrup for milk, Olive oil, Ribbon shaped pasta, pineapple pepper spread etc etc.
I desperately want to try making both Marmalade and Polenta at home. Also want to dry tomatoes mixed with selected herbs and spices in sun. Sun dried tomatoes must be yummy. But the bloody rain is raining out of season.
I got my first hand made cloth bag ready. People didn't like it much but I, love it.
Before Diwali, I have three things in my to do list.
1. Paint my room in bright colour. This means Calvin on my wall will have to go.
2. Get a nice blouse stitched for the sari maa's wanting to give me.
3. Get 'saasta sunder aur tikaau' metal storewel/rack to keep my books and maa's crockery.
After Diwali, I have three things in my must do list.
1. Get back to learning Bicycle riding.
2. Get ready for taking CPT.
3. Get interested in a noun called JOB. Get one. Do one. And Earn some bucks. Amen.
I miss talking to two people with whom I am absolutely out of touch. But, I guess they don't. Why would they ?
This diwali I am going to use chaar aanas (25 paise coins) in my rangoli. And also colour-colours of flowers.
We named new born boy as Hiranya. Hiranya means gold, light, and knowledge. So, we have one little Dhyaan and another little Hiranya. Two young Trivedi's.
Yet I have not got my nose pierced. Mom says I should get it like north indians do. I want the one like south indians do. I am talking about the side of the nose here.
Film. Writing and Making. Eludes. Case of heavy lack of confidence and preparation. This is one thing I know which kill me with pain of regret and guilt in near future. But, Am I really good enough ? There are really super amazing and talented people in this field already or on the verge of entering.
Dear God, I believe in you. Saying this makes me feel good ! . Dear destiny, I can not afford to believe in you but I know you are really something, so please be less cruel to me. God and destiny, kindly let me what should I do to be friends with you ?
And I am feeling lonely.
Kaambhar timepass ho chuka hain.. ? Hain Naah ... ?
Found a file, stored documents of LIC. Ravi's. Dead. Age 27. Road accident.
I can't see it but small clock pasted, yes pasted with a tape, on my wall is ticking. Its 1.03 Am says soudless tickless digital clock. It's October 12, 2010... kitna saara samay beet chuka hain.. kya kya badal chuka kya kya nahi....lekin.. saala.. tick tick tick .. tick.
this electronic machine in front of me with the internet ... probably greatest innovation of this century..
and yet , in spite of all.. loneliness prevails. the one which makes me feel incomplete and at times, empty.
| Poorna Madah Poorna Midam |
