It has been a very unpleasant morning. It feels like it's going to be long and slow day with a lot of conversation and a complete lack of silence. The same old subjects came up again; job, marriage, money, health and future. And same old assumptions; jinx, madness, laziness, good for nothingness, and the tendency to be a parasite. They ask me 'why' and to answer I spout. They are not convinced, rather they don't understand, hence I decide to keep mum which is considered as an offense. Which people am I talking about ? them, my own people, all educated and modern ..

I couldn't have guessed that life would be such at age of twenty five? people wanting to be the slave of time and shallow definitions of work, achievement, status, respect and responsibility. Perennial state of discontent born out of 'grass is greener on the other side' and 'what people will say' mentality. 

I manage to feel the joys of life alright, but people make me feel miserable and many a times, disgusted. Increasing disillusionment has made me lose respect, in general. On the other-side, life is as much unfathomable.  I am uncertain about my strength of character, and i don't know how long will I be able to stand the conflicts. I am afraid, combination of poisonous self doubt, intolerant vain world and overwhelming life is fatal, and may drive me real mad.