Juggling thoughts (inspired from readings)

Breathe I every moment,
breath oxygen.
strongly I feel ,
in my lungs, bones and veins,
to scream and to run away,
to breath a scent of wet earth,
where a river flow from clouds,
and flowers make a bed...

I think and I try
to think sound,
with no biases around.
to gather mass data and turn it,
into a piece of usable information.
here someone inside asks me
"Will you ever be intelligent?"

Now and then,
I do daily chores,
I work, I think.
Mind and body slog in unison,
Bored and bored even more.
Now and then,
Some lurking dreams stop me.
to ask me to dare, to 'do it'.

But I never dare to do it.
as a result,
a deep guilt seeps into me.
I confess,
It is baffling,
to live a lonely life,
in middle of a crowd.

Disquieting faceless crowd,
with no faith whatsoever.
hungry for reasons
but absurd at the core.
We are all a Sisyphus,
Said the Albert Camus.

It is difficult,
to live with,
sense of futility,
silent divinity,
questions all around,
with no simplicity.

I struggle to find,
a ray of happiness.
a root to happiness.
People say,
it is in good Karma.
it is in good Purpose.
it is in Warmth of kinship.
it is in ultimate Knowledge
it is in final Liberation.

I don't know,
I am too unsure.
I guess,
Happiness is in a strength
if you have, to enable you to struggle.
Happiness is in a solid hope,
if you have, to kill all fear in you.
Happiness is in a blind faith
if you and at all others have in you.
Happiness is in ability to create
and then feed it like a demigod.

Happiness is
to be busy being a master yourself,
until the end when quiet master calls.
to possess a stone with smile,
to it roll over a mountain,
to possess a strength,
for a struggle continuous.

I assume,
An ability to struggle and,
A whole hearted struggle,
should be enough to fill,
man's heart with happiness.