I am feeling lonesome. Dry, cold, dark, long, thick lonesomeness. I mostly know the reason. But, I can not explain for I am at risk of being understood as lunatic. There is sense of being abandoned, to be on my own to do away with all my problems, that has crept in me, to say the maximum I can. I don't want anybody to read this, but if you do, and If you find someday that I died of heart ache, don't be surprised.
Like they show in movies, I have one hole in my heart, through which all the cold seeps into my body. Or It is otherwise All the tears which I haven't let flow from corners of my eyes, have fled back in, to fill my body. Tears move in my veins, not any blood. But, this lingering ache is unbearable in a season of winter, my heart is crushed under a heavy weight and I breathe slowly, each one of them sounds to me like a sigh.
But, I don't want to die. I am not ready for it. No. I am not afraid of it. I don't want to die because I am too young to die, and I don't really want to die like a scum. And I am not sure, if there is rebirth, the way Hindu philosophy tells.If there are any, then I must have been a real sinner in my last and I want to suffer it all in this so, I can live with joy in next. Ridiculous, I can sound, but that is what I genuinely think right now for whatever soundness is left in me.
